When it’s not “Happy Mother’s Day”

I was planning to write a post for Mother’s Day, but wasn’t able to complete it that day. Mother’s Day was not easy for me this year and in writing a post I guess I wanted to commemorate my own, very short, experience of motherhood, and to recognize the many, many layers of emotion that this day can bring to women in all sorts of different circumstances.

Maybe I am the only person who ever took the creation of a family for granted, as in: you decide to have babies, you get pregnant, then you have a family. It’s easy, for most people. Well, the last year has taught me how ignorant I was about this whole process.  This journey of creating a family is a sacred, painful, minefield of emotion. It is beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. It is not for the faint of heart.

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I think it’s only the grace of God that helps those of us who have experienced loss along the way, whether through the death of a child, infertility, or another set of difficult circumstances, to keep going. It takes so much courage to stay in this place of vulnerability, to keep going, to try again. It’s an emotional roller-coaster where sometimes the presence and peace of God is so near and sometimes the anger and fear surge up in waves.


This is where I commemorated Mother’s Day. I miss Joseph so much, but I’m glad to have a place where I can come, sit, and remember him. Tending a grave is a poor substitute for holding a baby in your arms, but it is a way to pour out a little bit of the love and care we have for him.

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And to the women for whom Mother’s Day, for whatever reason, carries pain and heartache – I pray that the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts.


About simplyactualized

I want to share my thoughts. Specifically, I want to share my thoughts about the adventures of knitting, cooking, and care-taking a large, beautiful house.
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6 Responses to When it’s not “Happy Mother’s Day”

  1. Christine says:

    You have found words for feelings I have struggled with describing. It has been a complex and trying experience for Chris and I, also. Thank you for sharing this ❤

  2. Leroy Schwartz says:

    thank you for sharing so honestly, we are with you in our prayers

  3. Cathy says:

    Thinking of you.

  4. Kathy says:

    You say it beautifully! Bless you, Melody!

  5. AnneJisca says:

    On Mother’s Day, I thought of all my friends who go through this painful journey of infertility, loosing a child, and more. It is such a difficult time for many. May this year bring your heart more healing, more peace. May you feel God’s presence in a special way.

  6. Cindi says:

    Beautiful Post… my first two babies are in heaven. One I never met and one I carried for 21 weeks but he was born too early. I agree with what you said about motherhood being beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. May God bless you with healing as well as blessing you with a living and healthy baby. We now have two precious girls! It is good to be reminded of what a blessing they are. Thanks for sharing!

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